Grace has a tendency towards something. Always has, and a good example of it happened recently. The other day she was playing with Leif and they got in a scuffle over a toy. She grabs the toy away from Leif and then pushes him down and he begins to cry. I saw this happen and intervened. "Grace, don't grab away toys like that, and we don't push, ever."
So, what does Grace do? She cries. Not just cries, she screams and wails for 10 minutes. Long after Leif had stopped crying, she's still bawling her eyes out. And she's angry at us. She's still lurching after the toy we took away and kicking and screaming at us like its our fault she's in trouble.
The truly sad part of the story is that Grace's outburst consumed so much of our energy, that neither of us were able to see to Leif and comfort him and make sure he was okay. Though Grace was getting into trouble, she succeeded in maintaining our attention on her and away from him and away from the wrong deed that was done. Her strategy worked and in the end, she won.
Once she did this to Emily at the mall, and while Emily is taking Grace out to the car Grace screams out and shouts "STOP HITTING ME!" although Emily was simply carrying Grace as calmly as possible. With people around, Emily's only option was to put Grace down, step back, and show the world she's not in need of Child Protective Services. Grace's outburst won here as well. Despite being the one in the wrong, her tantrums and drama overpower all else. Timeouts and lectures were plentiful once home, but it was a shallow victory to the whole ordeal and not after tainting Emily's appearance to those around her (only marginally was it a good thing everyone around her was a stranger, we hope). Even the apologies she says later are hollow, having only occurred with prompting.
Now, Grace is a wonderful and usually sweet, thoughtful, little girl, but she's incredibly smart and adept, and right now not able to recognize how devious and dastardly she is behaving in emotional moments like that. Any suggestions?
3 comments:
It seems like you are doing the right things. I know Kirsten read a book called "The Explosive Child: or something like that. Maybe call her and ask about it! I know Grace has probably been like this since birth! :)
I love you Christian and I think you and Emily are a good team! Keep trying and don't give in. Maybe next time, ignore Grace and see to Leif. Good luck!
I have to ditto what Ditte said. I've been trying that tactic where I praise the child who ISN'T freaking out and give them more attention. It works.
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